Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Polygamy Trouble for Cheney's Radioactive BM

The patriarch of the clan of radioactive benevolent monkeys that emerged from Dick Cheney's ass in a previous Turner/Phelps blog entry is defending himself this week before a senate subcommittee. Social services and other government agencies began to scrutinize the interdimensionally traveling space monkey's personal and financial history after rumors of polygamy, incest, and fraud began to surface.

"Zirklyon the Effervescent is a benevolent monkey," the radioactive BM's attorney stated to the press Monday on the steps of the capitol building. "benevolence is a fundamental practice in his culture. He came to Earth, after all, to save us from our dependence on oil and coal. These rumors of forced marriage within his own family and of imprisoning his daughters for use as sex slaves is pure hearsay and hogwash." (Few if any reporters noted that the attorney did not address the accusations of fraud.)

After the senate panel concluded its closed-door questioning of the monkey, the press had further questions, where at Zirklyon actually let slip that he does in fact have an unhealthy incestuous relationship with one or more of his offspring. At which point, his attorney abruptly ended the question and answer session, and had their security detail shuffle Zirklyon into their waiting limo.

Scientists have yet to explain how safe or what kind of radiation is emitted by Cheney's radioactive BMs. Nor have they been able to explain exactly how the benevolent monkey radiation will be captured, enriched, and effectively converted to clean fuel. But they are optimistic.


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