tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71196862024-03-13T14:12:09.123-06:00TURNER | PHELPSLeft of Center (Turner) and Center of Center (Phelps) are screenwriters with satirical views on random headlines of the day. As one conservative Republican puts it: "..to me, it's not funny." and "...I think it is a bad reflection overall and frankly doesn't make me guffaw."Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger687125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-18761888657648271382022-09-10T20:58:00.001-06:002022-09-10T20:58:40.015-06:00TurnerPhelps salutations!<div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:13.3pt;font-family:Verdana'>TurnerPhelps<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:11.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:11.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:15.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><a href="https://bit.ly/3RDYH8z">https://www.google.com/search?q=coloradomonkey.tppost@blogger.com</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:18.1pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:18.1pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN-US style='font-size:21.4pt;font-family:sans-serif'> Coloradomonkey<o:p></o:p></span></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-50734809114662798452022-04-26T14:55:00.001-06:002022-04-26T14:55:50.281-06:00TurnerPhelps good afternoon<div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.4pt;font-family:Verdana'>TurnerPhelps<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><a href="https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2F3nm.eu%2FN%2FsM8ArkwR%2F&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AOvVaw1bmUwk8fuJEIRjO2noPsRB">https://www.google.com/search?q=coloradomonkey.tppost@blogger.com</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.4pt;font-family:Verdana'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:18.1pt;font-family:Arial'>Coloradomonkey<o:p></o:p></span></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-63754100091269693062020-08-07T23:03:00.000-06:002020-08-07T22:56:11.421-06:00<div dir="auto"> TurnerPhelps<div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto">https://surl.me/dw4cn</div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto">Coloradomonkey</div></div><div dir="auto"><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-21921351088550260932020-03-29T08:26:00.000-06:002020-03-29T08:16:29.970-06:00<div dir="auto" style="direction: ltr; margin: 0; padding: 0; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: black; ">TurnerPhelps https://clck.ru/Mi7gy </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-16024048404659770132019-06-12T12:11:00.000-06:002019-06-12T20:13:23.476-06:00fwd:Hello
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<br><a href="http://berlofficialborneo.com/tube.php?emui=UPU13701">http://berlofficialborneo.com/tube.php?emui=UPU13701</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-81571958657841698012018-10-19T02:35:00.001-06:002018-10-19T02:35:26.146-06:00TurnerPhelps <a href="https://goo.gl/pcJGVr">https://goo.gl/pcJGVr</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-62394117870630132822017-07-25T08:46:00.001-06:002017-07-25T08:46:39.468-06:00hiya TurnerPhelps
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<br>ColoradomonkeyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-27903247219151776352016-03-11T00:35:00.000-07:002016-03-11T00:36:57.174-07:00hello TurnerPhelpsHello TurnerPhelps
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<br><a href="http://suitecrm.norango.com/nobody.php?result=f1gy3xc1we1k7p">http://suitecrm.norango.com/nobody.php?result=f1gy3xc1we1k7p</a>
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<br>Coloradomonkey
<br><a href="mailto:coloradomonkey@yahoo.com">coloradomonkey@yahoo.com</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-66281980684193236132009-01-09T12:51:00.004-07:002009-01-09T12:53:39.854-07:00It's Been Fun, but...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_wEe-p7nr9y8gBUm5sPUnBbKa6TGDtYq8BNgUe-mGs2Z8mek0LsU7rr6KRy2loANFnZCxoCqtXzh153jWWOS-8dt8eWpExZ_clbxWxo_WrZCDmwaOY5b-mHqAS_RCcfmAZcn/s1600-h/good-bye_bush.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289384193692586498" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 229px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_wEe-p7nr9y8gBUm5sPUnBbKa6TGDtYq8BNgUe-mGs2Z8mek0LsU7rr6KRy2loANFnZCxoCqtXzh153jWWOS-8dt8eWpExZ_clbxWxo_WrZCDmwaOY5b-mHqAS_RCcfmAZcn/s320/good-bye_bush.jpg" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-88473110756394673192009-01-05T08:48:00.002-07:002009-01-05T08:52:30.051-07:00What's in store for January 19th?George's Itinerary for his last day at the Whitehouse. A fine farewell for the longest, hardest job he ever held.<br /><br /><strong>06:00 AM</strong> - Go for last D.C. jog.<br /><strong>07:00 AM</strong> - Be resident president mixoligist for mimosa's on the lawn for early breakfast.<br /><strong>08:00 AM</strong> - Help Laura "pack up the special extra stuff" around the house.<br /><strong>09:30 AM</strong> - Throw "planning brunch" for presidential library. Bloody marys. Remember names of execs from:<br /><ul><li>Halliburton</li><li>Blackwater</li><li>Northrup Grumman</li><li>Lockheed Martin</li></ul><strong>10:30 AM</strong> - Say goodbye to the household staff who were nice to me.<br /><strong>10:35 AM</strong> - Say goodbye to the Whitehouse Press Corps. DO NOT MOON THEM.<br /><strong>10:45 AM</strong> - Call literary agent for status on memoirs pitch to publishers.<br /><strong>11:00 AM</strong> - Oval Office: Take a BM on the constitution one last time while reading Bill Kristol's editorial in The Weekly Standard.<br /><strong>11:30 AM</strong> - Freshen up. Have a scotch.<br /><strong>12:00 PM</strong> - Lunch with the full cabinet.<br /><strong>01:00 PM</strong> - Drinks with Condie and Karl. DON'T MAKE MOVE ON CONDIE, EVEN IF IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE.<br /><strong>01:30 PM</strong> - With C and K, call Putie and give him a piece of your mind. (Might impress Condie.)<br /><strong>02:00 PM</strong> - Walk the dog. Photo op of last day at WH great for memoirs and maybe Barbara Walters piece.<br /><strong>02:30 PM</strong> - Have a scotch. Take a nap.<br /><strong>04:30 PM</strong> - Freshen up. Irish coffee.<br /><strong>05:30 PM</strong> - Reception at the Republican Congressional Caucus. DON'T CALL THEM PUSSIES.<br /><strong>06:30 PM</strong> - Dinner with Laura, Jenna, Barb, Mom and Poppy.<br /><strong>08:30 PM</strong> - One last ride in Marine 1 to Kennebunkport. JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.<br /><strong>09:30 PM</strong> - Get plastered on Poppy's scotch.<br /><strong>11:30 PM</strong> - Pass out on guest bed with shoes on.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-77974462134900826142008-12-10T21:28:00.004-07:002008-12-10T21:44:24.127-07:00Counting down to magic dayCome on, Santa! Deliver that sackful of Jack Daniels to the White House early so that George will be too occupied to do anymore damage. He tried for eight years to destroy America as we know it, and he failed.<br /><br />Who cares who he pardons or whose sentences he commutes between now and Jan. 20? As long as he's not invading another country for artificial reasons, redefining executive powers or ruining our reputation abroad, the country is safe.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-40542099178535656832008-11-20T15:39:00.003-07:002008-11-20T16:05:34.280-07:00Who Wants Dick in Jail?With a <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4AI11B20081119">grand jury indictment</a> in Southern Texas for "profiteering from depriving human beings of their liberty," Dick Cheney has a chance, if a judge doesn't dismiss the charges, of going to jail for his partial ownership of a private prison company. We ask, who benefits from this?<br /><ul><li><strong>His cell mate.</strong> Despite being from the ranch country of Wyoming, years of government service and living the cushy CEO life has turned the once tough Cheney into a deliciously soft and physically weak plaything. Without his secret service detail or hardened BlackWater operatives to protect him, Cheney is like a big, warm, soft marshmallow for the taking. Just don't startle him when you slide over to his bunk, because he's got a weak ticker.</li><li><strong>Disgruntled employees at The Vanguard Group.</strong> "Now we can give him a taste of his own medicine," one Vanguard prison guard, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said. "Let's see how he likes not getting fish sticks on Friday because of 'budget cuts' or having to work on Christmas Day."</li><li><strong>The world.</strong> Knowing that Dick Cheney is quietly writing his memoirs behind bars instead of plotting evil in an undisclosed command center will allow the whole world to breathe a sigh of relief.</li></ul>When asked about his indictment, he was heard to curse then say, "Who's a guy gotta shoot in the face to get outta this mess?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-88097232317666910892008-11-19T16:40:00.006-07:002008-11-20T06:36:03.732-07:00A Mouthful from SergioThe CEO of Fiat SpA, Sergio Marchionne, may not have realized that he said the most profound truth so far in our world-wide financial crisis when he said, "Either (aid) is for everyone or for no one." Bailing out a targeted business sector or a handful of institutions is not going resolve the issue.<br /><br />Of course, the journalists who reported this quote failed to include that it was in reference to him asking his Nonna Sophia to pass the rigatoni during Sunday dinner.<br /><br /><em>"Hey, nonna! Che cosa? Why you no passa the rigatoni? I'm a growing boy. I've gotta the car company to run. Either you passa the rigatoni around to everyone, or you no passa to anyone."</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-87916577119437301972008-11-13T11:17:00.003-07:002008-11-13T11:41:41.027-07:00Not Another Czar!An Obama aide said Thursday that the president-elect is weighing the idea of assigning czar to help return the distressed auto industry to health.<br /><br />Hey, present and upcoming politicians, know what would return the auto industry to good health? Give bailout money to Americans, so they can go buy a car.<br /><br />Stop throwing money at failed corporations that have proven they can't manage it (AIG, Amex, Bear Sterns).<br /><br />Besides, what would another czar do other than give us a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ivan_the_Terrible_(cropped).JPG">stylish beard</a> or invent new methods for livestock <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legends_of_Catherine_II_of_Russia">fornication</a>?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-66050106165131370842008-11-05T09:40:00.006-07:002008-11-05T09:52:37.744-07:00Post-election Headlines<strong>California --</strong> With the national elections over, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi turned her attention to her home state. There, she hopes to get legislation passed broadening the definition of marriage to include, "...between a man and the consenting barnyard animal of his choice."<br /><br /><strong>Maryland --</strong> Vice president-elect Joseph Biden was rushed to the naval hospital in Bethesda, Wednesday, for dog bite wounds and burns. "He set his hellhounds on me," the Pennsylvania politician said as his gurney was wheeled into the emergency room, referring to the 3-headed, sulfur-born Rottweiler Dick Cheney summoned to guard the vice presidential bunker from "those dirty Dems.".<br /><br /><strong>Washington, DC --</strong> George Bush completed and mailed-in the formal paperwork nominating himself for a Nobel Peace Prize, despite a standing reply to "don't even bother" from the board of the Geneva-based foundation.<br /><br /><strong>Waco --</strong> Thousands of stunned Texans gathered in the streets the day after the presidential election, anticipating the advent of End Times with their immediate rapture. By the end of the day, sunburned and dehydrated, they were still standing there.<br /><br /><strong>London --</strong> Frustrated by going two months without being in the news, author JK Rowling shocks fans around the world by announcing that her character Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, is transgendered and will pursue a sex change in the epilogic book she's writing titled, "Rubeus Hagrid and the Snip-Snip Tuck Unders."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-1091026607019499382008-11-04T23:31:00.002-07:002008-11-04T23:32:54.209-07:00A collective sigh of relief<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijqfFnMwqp-lDmIGeir14ML5Mqs4jtmzAlxZJBt095lDwUgb6ZQYp7AKPvUTpQqD3AwWisLwyoXxYBOAAuUuRWkDxnAar6ok2LPs5e3_yiDkPzlHuFcBtEOlwmQxqzKVQyzDix/s1600-h/smiley_face.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5265057648170108722" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 319px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijqfFnMwqp-lDmIGeir14ML5Mqs4jtmzAlxZJBt095lDwUgb6ZQYp7AKPvUTpQqD3AwWisLwyoXxYBOAAuUuRWkDxnAar6ok2LPs5e3_yiDkPzlHuFcBtEOlwmQxqzKVQyzDix/s320/smiley_face.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-62026987114947266542008-10-28T11:22:00.005-06:002008-10-28T13:41:39.337-06:00Recent poll shows public confused by pollsThe latest Reuterz/C-SPUN/Zobgy poll is out with results showing considerable confusion among people who pay attention to polls. According to some national polls, within the span of three days, Obama has held a 5-point, 12-point, 8-point, 72-point and 4-point lead, respectively over McCain, and it's confusing the general public.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7Q3c7vjOiixP7jJYnNoSO5-6oh-JIs3FOaAUjK2kSN9cOzgZlK089LigXrwuG2exDWEhQrkTY6DG5pAHNGniNS4MM5vraKY7b4R4TS26t0V_rHIYVcLsPUZSFdBwRS1Pqqfr/s1600-h/useless_poll.png"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262256778504584514" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px; WIDTH: 100px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 100px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7Q3c7vjOiixP7jJYnNoSO5-6oh-JIs3FOaAUjK2kSN9cOzgZlK089LigXrwuG2exDWEhQrkTY6DG5pAHNGniNS4MM5vraKY7b4R4TS26t0V_rHIYVcLsPUZSFdBwRS1Pqqfr/s320/useless_poll.png" border="0" /></a>"The problem," states independent pollster, Ivan Zobgy, "is that we only poll the same six people, dropping the lowest numbers from the previous poll and adding the highest of the latest. Plus, we poll this collection of stay-at-home television viewers three or four times a day." This leads to some wide variations in polling results from day to day, he added, depending on what shows they're watching.<br /><br />The six self-described couch potatoes say that although Zobgy does not compensate them to answer the polling questions, the importance they feel in representing the opinions of the entire nation is payment enough.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-11576238902629341512008-10-28T08:13:00.002-06:002008-10-28T08:29:32.551-06:00Stevens Vows to FightAfter being found guilty on seven counts of corruption, Senator Ted Stevens vowed Monday to return to Alaska to fight the injustice and clear his name. While there, he also plans to devour his enemies and utterly crush the fragile Alaskan environment. "They created me," Stevens burbled from a pool of sludge, waving his monstrous tentacles at oil man, Bill Allen and other energy executives. "Their greed for power and indifference towards nature has turned me into the weapon of their own destruction."<br /><br /><a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/politicsNews/idUSTRE49Q7FG20081028"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 414px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 241px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="Senator Ted Stevens Wreaks Havoc in Alaska" src="http://www.millionmonkeytheater.com/moviepics/hedorah2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><center><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Stevens, seen here in Anchorage's Cannery Row.</span> <center><br /></center></center><center><center></center></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-58701754712266810872008-10-27T12:43:00.003-06:002008-10-29T10:54:18.267-06:00Elderly McCain Supporters Bullied and Intimidated by Obama CrowdDurango - reliable eyewitnesses at John McCain's rally in Durango, CO, Friday the 24th, expressed anger and disgust at being shouted at and intimidated by raucus Obama fans in attendance with the express intention of disrupting the rally. An elderly couple from nearby Vallecito were jostled, yelled at and told to "shut up, old man" by young men wearing Obama shirts and holding Obama signs.<br /><br /><strong>Now, hold on, people.</strong> That's not how we do things in America. Chant your slogans and wave signs, but don't intimidate people you assume don't agree with you. This isn't Uganda, it's the USA, and regardless of how passionate you feel about your candidate, you can't frighten people.<br /><br /><strong>WWBD?</strong> That's definitely not it. The next time you Obama supporters (or McCain fans) are face to face with someone who doesn't agree with your politics, ask yourself,"What Would Barack Do?" The answer is clear: calm, informed, reasonable discussion. Grow up.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-89608069111623138972008-10-24T15:19:00.007-06:002008-10-24T15:40:52.099-06:00If you won't listen to us, then please listen to sheriff Andy TaylorRon Howard is taking a stand and it's a funny-but-poignant look at this presidential election. If anyone can reach the elderly white folks who fear change, it's got to be Andy Griffith. Who better represents them and their small town sensibilities than the venerable and trustworthy sheriff Andy Taylor? <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/cc65ed650d">Watch it.</a><br /><br /><br /><p><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/cc65ed650d"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260833530830330914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 312px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_4gJCuqxdMbYy61rmmd2Vp5ZHfWulCFFwzOmTCpHjSWtwo1L6owtTKk8_HO4Hs3Zm081jDQRG0TfA5tsNoUU9U-0EQVyMx8t6zLBJxFvtCM62J12rXuuxM3-Z6TtWyPKt9wTS/s400/ron_andy_henry.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://turnerphelps.blogspot.com/2004/07/mayberry-link-to-abu-ghraib.html"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 129px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 165px" alt="" src="http://www.turnerphelps.com/images/donknottssmall.jpg" border="0" /></a>The real clincher would be to bring Deputy Barney Fife and Ralph Malph into the mix with a rousing debate about the merits of change. Ralph could ignore Deputy Fife's desperate pleas for change by making dumb jokes and doing lame sight gags, until Barney snaps, puts his one bullet in his pistol and shoots Ralph in the gut.</p><p>Or maybe show Joanie Cunningham and Chachi Arcola all grown up, talking about their children's futures. If they played it true, though, Joanie would have a black eye. We all knew that Chachi was a hot head.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-76801856092632420192008-10-23T15:24:00.008-06:002008-10-23T15:38:13.034-06:00RollingStone's 5 Myths about John McCainListen to Tim Dickinson (contributing editor to Rolling Stone) describe <a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/nationalaffairs/index.php/2008/10/03/five-myths-about-john-mccain#">5 Myths about John McCain</a><br /><br />Myth #5 - He's a Washington Outsider<br />Myth #4 - He was a "top gun" pilot<br />Myth #3 - He was the central hero of the POW camps<br />Myth #2 - He is a straight-talking reformer<br />Myth #1 - He Puts Country First<br /><br /><a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/nationalaffairs/index.php/2008/10/03/five-myths-about-john-mccain#"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 344px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 344px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/img/5/6/0/7/23357065-23357068-slarge.jpg" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-90994846074256109262008-10-21T13:04:00.006-06:002008-10-21T14:39:59.495-06:00Facing facts about the presidential raceThe growing agitation in the tone of rhetoric coming from both sides is starting to affect us. It feels like we are more polarized now than perhaps since the Civil War. Cries that Obama is an extremist bent on destroying our country or that McCain is erratic and certain to drive us to doom are signs of some deeper desperation.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSnolU-Uk1I-mTJNDbwcjkX7_gaO0u2okeKKRsNOE2Yj2iNBwWtx4LohqUL-FQiY3IYMjAQyJe5Ll8UtCMl_Hd4VUR2QwRFIly7Y9USxsL9QDUPpDY1Q7eTw28ILrVNKBf_Cre/s1600-h/compass_face.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259697911481789570" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSnolU-Uk1I-mTJNDbwcjkX7_gaO0u2okeKKRsNOE2Yj2iNBwWtx4LohqUL-FQiY3IYMjAQyJe5Ll8UtCMl_Hd4VUR2QwRFIly7Y9USxsL9QDUPpDY1Q7eTw28ILrVNKBf_Cre/s400/compass_face.gif" border="0" /></a>We should take a moment to set aside our differences and examine this underlying issue. We can't argue over the merits of steering the boat north versus south if the hole in the hull is going to sink us. Let's see to the hole first and then worry about the direction. The question is: what is the hole?<br /><br />This is bigger than our current financial crisis. It's beyond left vs. right. There is something else eating away at us and we need to address it, come to terms with it, and know the problem so that we can either fix it or learn to live with it. The water is boiling and the pressure is building. We need to vent the steam before someone gets burned.<br /><br />The American psyche is a palpable thing, easily played upon and easily turned away from the big picture. We Americans wear blinders and often focus on one thing at a time, that being whatever we convince our collective self to be most important. Our minds are consumed by the soup du jour of political issues, celebrity news, sports, or anything we feel immediately affects our daily lives.<br /><br />Here are some facts we should face. Regardless who wins the race to the Whitehouse,<br /><ul><li>America will continue more or less the same as it has over the past 140 years. There will be ups and there will be downs and the USA of today will not be the USA of 2050. Like our own mortality where life is just a journey toward an obvious terminus, America is going somewhere and we're along for the ride.</li><li>The economy will recover and, sadly, before long we won't remember the crash of 2008 as anything more than a footnote.</li><li>People will still claim to see UFOs, Bigfoot, and Liza Minella when they're out in the wilderness alone.</li><li>We will still have enemies and we will still have allies, and those relationships will experience small and large changes along the way.</li><li>Culture is never a constant and never will be a constant. Though values and principles change slower than other popular tastes, they still change. How you define America is not how your parents defined her and will not be how your children define her.</li><li>Politicians on both sides of the aisle will continue to find ways to abuse their power, break the rules of propriety, perform immoral acts and love their country like no other all the way to the next election.</li><li>The principles of freedom and equality will always be a part of America, but they have changed in the past and they will change in the future. Call it fine-tuning or a blurring of boundaries, the freedoms we embrace today may not be the same freedoms we embrace tomorrow.</li></ul>We admit that Turner/Phelps is not a fair playing field. We use satire and absurdity and sometimes a veiled meanness to make light of current issues. But as we draw close enough to the 2008 elections to count the distance in days, not weeks, it's getting more difficult to find anything funny out there.<br /><br />A hatred is growing that is dividing this great nation. It is a hole in the hull of our ship. And we need to patch it before the sea comes rushing in.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-57330724136418060922008-10-17T08:13:00.008-06:002008-10-17T09:16:35.235-06:00McNasty Still Fear MongeringYesterday, the day after the last presidential debate where the topic of negative advertising held center stage, we come home to more negative ads from McCain/Palin and the RNC on the answering machine. No joke here. If this isn't a classic example of fear-mongering, T/P doesn't know what is. Look Out! Obama is a terrorist and his thoughts are "extreme!"<br /><br /><a href="http://www.canada.com/montrealgazette/news/editorial/story.html?id=a28311ba-359f-4a03-a21f-07acb03b37e1" target="_blank"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258127898846328514" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="McCain Palin Still Nasty as Ever" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ4Xoz3oi0SPLb4VgHqBu-jQP1i7xcSyz_iKJp-fq_nWKp3hRaoV0lWT1N14ll8lm1csSYX-2yra81f3TuPkyolyXFNucdnpVjQAJqjK8xSx3g95qqNwRU_CY4LCEStYWRfR0F/s400/mccain_palin_split.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><embed src="http://www.turnerphelps.com/audio/nasty_mccain_rnc_voicemail.wav" width="339" height="55" type="audio/mpeg" autostart="false" loop="false"></embed><noembed></noembed><br /><br />If the player doesn't display, right-click the following links and <em>Save Target As</em> to access the audio file:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.turnerphelps.com/audio/nasty_mccain_rnc_voicemail.wav">WAV File of voicemail</a><br /><a href="http://www.turnerphelps.com/audio/nasty_mccain_rnc_voicemail.mp3">MP3 File of voicemail</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-34598794000651848332008-10-13T08:27:00.009-06:002008-10-13T09:06:14.848-06:00Religulous Review<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA8Mm020KC52mWlDkwLqOmM3mRKO_RVSYKTQGAtReyQZfvPvwtu7Hn1npkv2oxdUjJ6Dona1yyTlR38E8Ezleb_zEuMWH0n0SAttrBeDiKiC62wWQwvcvyF4DNFO9cMU7Ccb92/s1600-h/stars_maher.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5256652388324049106" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA8Mm020KC52mWlDkwLqOmM3mRKO_RVSYKTQGAtReyQZfvPvwtu7Hn1npkv2oxdUjJ6Dona1yyTlR38E8Ezleb_zEuMWH0n0SAttrBeDiKiC62wWQwvcvyF4DNFO9cMU7Ccb92/s320/stars_maher.gif" border="0" /></a>Bill Maher's new anti-religion movie "<a href="http://lionsgate.com/religulous/">Religulous</a>" is a must see. Phelps gives it 4.5 Stars of David out of 5. The up-side: it's hilarious. The downside: director Larry Charles filmed Maher in profile for almost half the movie. It got to the point where the viewer spends more time thinking about Maher's nose and how disproportionately large his head is to his body than what he was saying. But that was a minor detail. Minor.<br /><br />For Turner/Phelps, though, the important point is that we've been there and done that. From Phelps speaking publicly about the foolishness of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1434830241">literal Biblical interpretation</a>, to Turner's Grammy nomination for "<a href="http://turnerphelps.blogspot.com/2004/11/grilled-cheese-virgin.html">Best hymn sung by a grilled cheese sandwich</a>," T/P beats Hollywood to the punch, again.<br /><br /><a href="http://turnerphelps.blogspot.com/2004/11/grilled-cheese-virgin.html"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5256651845131179330" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxgsp_LE9TzyzVciyXvXwFe-U9aNW2ZhRIG0XArmXGFgaJo6MqKweSk_knsQtEtQAyVEFv_el7L3BurLBmrZg0dR6g1xVyqcKWKfojfQLZsJBIX2nt2gWr_PrwQfXrS0Wyj8R1/s400/bill_maher_grilled_cheese.jpg" border="0" /></a> <center><span style="font-family:arial;">Religulous website, 2008 / TurnerPhelps blog, <strong>2004</strong></span></center><br />Still, damn, Maher's a got a big head. It's like Ted Kennedy big. Or Karl Rove.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7119686.post-67081944818003620532008-10-10T12:48:00.004-06:002008-10-10T13:20:40.153-06:00Immaculate Shark Sign of End TimesThis is it. Show's over folks. I'm certain somewhere in the section of Revelation about the oceans boiling and the four horsemen wreaking havoc, John described sharks having <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4990VA20081010">virgin births</a> as a tell tale sign of the End Times. It was something about the Holy Spirit getting all <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Troymcclure.png">Troy McClure</a> with the fishes of the sea and opening the seventh gate.<br /><br />Nostradamus was more specific when he described in several quatrains how "one Rich'ard, son of Bran, shall lay with the toothy blue tip, and by his seed, as the Lord did with Maria, bring holy shark unto the sea..."<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHwiNf1E5vYcbg6xtWw8fcYvxYFIa8NAbHvGsQJK99xJnzDq67RvvYFONW6lGx5vMHWEAxqGuIAxDwJiy86lppalyRoFEinSXm3gNdLk18VrQU4k2sbBJOV_cFVSmZqTlzsOmt/s1600-h/virgin_shark_branson.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255606786911438098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHwiNf1E5vYcbg6xtWw8fcYvxYFIa8NAbHvGsQJK99xJnzDq67RvvYFONW6lGx5vMHWEAxqGuIAxDwJiy86lppalyRoFEinSXm3gNdLk18VrQU4k2sbBJOV_cFVSmZqTlzsOmt/s400/virgin_shark_branson.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />(A fitting subject for our 666th blog entry.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0