Bush installs Gitmo piranha pool

President Bush rolled out his plan for new interrogation techniques this week to his joint chiefs of staff for review. Insiders say the list includes at least three of the following:

• A pool of piranhas where detainees will be forced to swim and bathe
• A large glass enclosure in which guards can throw snakes at detainees
• An old trailer used for transporting circus animals as new solitary "hot box"
• A three hour interview by Larry King in a speedo

When questioned by the chiefs regarding the similarity between the president's plan and breaking news about a Southern Italian circus that was forcing two teenage Bulgarian sisters to swim in a pool of deadly piranhas, the Whitehouse said any connection was purely coincidental.

Lt. General Michael Poppinghaus, of the U.S. Coast Guard, pointed out that President Bush had scrawled a reminder to himself across the last page of the briefing that said, "Bail-out Sicilian circus guys/hire them at Gitmo."