Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Polygamy Trouble for Cheney's Radioactive BM

The patriarch of the clan of radioactive benevolent monkeys that emerged from Dick Cheney's ass in a previous Turner/Phelps blog entry is defending himself this week before a senate subcommittee. Social services and other government agencies began to scrutinize the interdimensionally traveling space monkey's personal and financial history after rumors of polygamy, incest, and fraud began to surface.

"Zirklyon the Effervescent is a benevolent monkey," the radioactive BM's attorney stated to the press Monday on the steps of the capitol building. "benevolence is a fundamental practice in his culture. He came to Earth, after all, to save us from our dependence on oil and coal. These rumors of forced marriage within his own family and of imprisoning his daughters for use as sex slaves is pure hearsay and hogwash." (Few if any reporters noted that the attorney did not address the accusations of fraud.)

After the senate panel concluded its closed-door questioning of the monkey, the press had further questions, where at Zirklyon actually let slip that he does in fact have an unhealthy incestuous relationship with one or more of his offspring. At which point, his attorney abruptly ended the question and answer session, and had their security detail shuffle Zirklyon into their waiting limo.

Scientists have yet to explain how safe or what kind of radiation is emitted by Cheney's radioactive BMs. Nor have they been able to explain exactly how the benevolent monkey radiation will be captured, enriched, and effectively converted to clean fuel. But they are optimistic.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Obama Steamed Over GOPs Attack

"Lay off my wife," Barack warned the Tennessee GOP this week after they aired a video of her stating that she was proud of America, for the first time in her life. Though she meant she was finally proud of our political process, she should have chosen her words better, or delivered each phrase and sentence of her stump speech in such a way to prevent the opposition from using a snippet out of context.

BUT, what Obama should have done, instead of warning the GOP, was to call John McCain and ask him, "Do you want this contest to be about our wives?" I'm sure McCain would have pre-emptively put the kabosh on any dirty pool by his party affiliates.

Just look up the spouses on Wikipedia. Sure, one has spent most her life as a lawyer or in politics while the other has been a rich philanthropist, but which one was involved (bookeeper for) a senatorial corruption case and carries a Wikipedia heading that reads, "Prescription drug addiction and theft"?

MMmmm... the best drugs are the ones you steal from your own nonprofit organization.

Hint: Cindy H. McCain

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Radioactive Monkeys from Dick Cheney's Butt

Dick Cheney Radioactive Monkeys

Benevolent, radioactive monkeys will fly from Dick Cheney's ass to replace all coal-burning powerplants, nuclear power plants, and diesel engines with clean, cold-fusion space monkey electricity throughout North America, totally freeing the US from dependency on foreign oil and carbon-based fuels.

Palestinians will give up any and all claims to past land ownership throughout Israel and its captured territories while Muslims across the globe will wholeheartedly approve of the Jewish state's plan to destroy the Dome of the Rock in order to build the third temple.

And John McCain's administration will be new, fresh, and different from George Bush's administration.

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