Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Recent poll shows public confused by polls

The latest Reuterz/C-SPUN/Zobgy poll is out with results showing considerable confusion among people who pay attention to polls. According to some national polls, within the span of three days, Obama has held a 5-point, 12-point, 8-point, 72-point and 4-point lead, respectively over McCain, and it's confusing the general public.

"The problem," states independent pollster, Ivan Zobgy, "is that we only poll the same six people, dropping the lowest numbers from the previous poll and adding the highest of the latest. Plus, we poll this collection of stay-at-home television viewers three or four times a day." This leads to some wide variations in polling results from day to day, he added, depending on what shows they're watching.

The six self-described couch potatoes say that although Zobgy does not compensate them to answer the polling questions, the importance they feel in representing the opinions of the entire nation is payment enough.

Stevens Vows to Fight

After being found guilty on seven counts of corruption, Senator Ted Stevens vowed Monday to return to Alaska to fight the injustice and clear his name. While there, he also plans to devour his enemies and utterly crush the fragile Alaskan environment. "They created me," Stevens burbled from a pool of sludge, waving his monstrous tentacles at oil man, Bill Allen and other energy executives. "Their greed for power and indifference towards nature has turned me into the weapon of their own destruction."

Senator Ted Stevens Wreaks Havoc in Alaska
Stevens, seen here in Anchorage's Cannery Row.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Elderly McCain Supporters Bullied and Intimidated by Obama Crowd

Durango - reliable eyewitnesses at John McCain's rally in Durango, CO, Friday the 24th, expressed anger and disgust at being shouted at and intimidated by raucus Obama fans in attendance with the express intention of disrupting the rally. An elderly couple from nearby Vallecito were jostled, yelled at and told to "shut up, old man" by young men wearing Obama shirts and holding Obama signs.

Now, hold on, people. That's not how we do things in America. Chant your slogans and wave signs, but don't intimidate people you assume don't agree with you. This isn't Uganda, it's the USA, and regardless of how passionate you feel about your candidate, you can't frighten people.

WWBD? That's definitely not it. The next time you Obama supporters (or McCain fans) are face to face with someone who doesn't agree with your politics, ask yourself,"What Would Barack Do?" The answer is clear: calm, informed, reasonable discussion. Grow up.

Friday, October 24, 2008

If you won't listen to us, then please listen to sheriff Andy Taylor

Ron Howard is taking a stand and it's a funny-but-poignant look at this presidential election. If anyone can reach the elderly white folks who fear change, it's got to be Andy Griffith. Who better represents them and their small town sensibilities than the venerable and trustworthy sheriff Andy Taylor? Watch it.

The real clincher would be to bring Deputy Barney Fife and Ralph Malph into the mix with a rousing debate about the merits of change. Ralph could ignore Deputy Fife's desperate pleas for change by making dumb jokes and doing lame sight gags, until Barney snaps, puts his one bullet in his pistol and shoots Ralph in the gut.

Or maybe show Joanie Cunningham and Chachi Arcola all grown up, talking about their children's futures. If they played it true, though, Joanie would have a black eye. We all knew that Chachi was a hot head.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

RollingStone's 5 Myths about John McCain

Listen to Tim Dickinson (contributing editor to Rolling Stone) describe 5 Myths about John McCain

Myth #5 - He's a Washington Outsider
Myth #4 - He was a "top gun" pilot
Myth #3 - He was the central hero of the POW camps
Myth #2 - He is a straight-talking reformer
Myth #1 - He Puts Country First

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Facing facts about the presidential race

The growing agitation in the tone of rhetoric coming from both sides is starting to affect us. It feels like we are more polarized now than perhaps since the Civil War. Cries that Obama is an extremist bent on destroying our country or that McCain is erratic and certain to drive us to doom are signs of some deeper desperation.

We should take a moment to set aside our differences and examine this underlying issue. We can't argue over the merits of steering the boat north versus south if the hole in the hull is going to sink us. Let's see to the hole first and then worry about the direction. The question is: what is the hole?

This is bigger than our current financial crisis. It's beyond left vs. right. There is something else eating away at us and we need to address it, come to terms with it, and know the problem so that we can either fix it or learn to live with it. The water is boiling and the pressure is building. We need to vent the steam before someone gets burned.

The American psyche is a palpable thing, easily played upon and easily turned away from the big picture. We Americans wear blinders and often focus on one thing at a time, that being whatever we convince our collective self to be most important. Our minds are consumed by the soup du jour of political issues, celebrity news, sports, or anything we feel immediately affects our daily lives.

Here are some facts we should face. Regardless who wins the race to the Whitehouse,
  • America will continue more or less the same as it has over the past 140 years. There will be ups and there will be downs and the USA of today will not be the USA of 2050. Like our own mortality where life is just a journey toward an obvious terminus, America is going somewhere and we're along for the ride.
  • The economy will recover and, sadly, before long we won't remember the crash of 2008 as anything more than a footnote.
  • People will still claim to see UFOs, Bigfoot, and Liza Minella when they're out in the wilderness alone.
  • We will still have enemies and we will still have allies, and those relationships will experience small and large changes along the way.
  • Culture is never a constant and never will be a constant. Though values and principles change slower than other popular tastes, they still change. How you define America is not how your parents defined her and will not be how your children define her.
  • Politicians on both sides of the aisle will continue to find ways to abuse their power, break the rules of propriety, perform immoral acts and love their country like no other all the way to the next election.
  • The principles of freedom and equality will always be a part of America, but they have changed in the past and they will change in the future. Call it fine-tuning or a blurring of boundaries, the freedoms we embrace today may not be the same freedoms we embrace tomorrow.
We admit that Turner/Phelps is not a fair playing field. We use satire and absurdity and sometimes a veiled meanness to make light of current issues. But as we draw close enough to the 2008 elections to count the distance in days, not weeks, it's getting more difficult to find anything funny out there.

A hatred is growing that is dividing this great nation. It is a hole in the hull of our ship. And we need to patch it before the sea comes rushing in.

Friday, October 17, 2008

McNasty Still Fear Mongering

Yesterday, the day after the last presidential debate where the topic of negative advertising held center stage, we come home to more negative ads from McCain/Palin and the RNC on the answering machine. No joke here. If this isn't a classic example of fear-mongering, T/P doesn't know what is. Look Out! Obama is a terrorist and his thoughts are "extreme!"

McCain Palin Still Nasty as Ever

If the player doesn't display, right-click the following links and Save Target As to access the audio file:

WAV File of voicemail
MP3 File of voicemail

Monday, October 13, 2008

Religulous Review

Bill Maher's new anti-religion movie "Religulous" is a must see. Phelps gives it 4.5 Stars of David out of 5. The up-side: it's hilarious. The downside: director Larry Charles filmed Maher in profile for almost half the movie. It got to the point where the viewer spends more time thinking about Maher's nose and how disproportionately large his head is to his body than what he was saying. But that was a minor detail. Minor.

For Turner/Phelps, though, the important point is that we've been there and done that. From Phelps speaking publicly about the foolishness of literal Biblical interpretation, to Turner's Grammy nomination for "Best hymn sung by a grilled cheese sandwich," T/P beats Hollywood to the punch, again.

Religulous website, 2008 / TurnerPhelps blog, 2004

Still, damn, Maher's a got a big head. It's like Ted Kennedy big. Or Karl Rove.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Immaculate Shark Sign of End Times

This is it. Show's over folks. I'm certain somewhere in the section of Revelation about the oceans boiling and the four horsemen wreaking havoc, John described sharks having virgin births as a tell tale sign of the End Times. It was something about the Holy Spirit getting all Troy McClure with the fishes of the sea and opening the seventh gate.

Nostradamus was more specific when he described in several quatrains how "one Rich'ard, son of Bran, shall lay with the toothy blue tip, and by his seed, as the Lord did with Maria, bring holy shark unto the sea..."

(A fitting subject for our 666th blog entry.)

Monday, October 06, 2008

Kash and Hari Kari

Who should we tag for oversite of the bailout money?

How about a veteran Goldman Sachs banker? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Heck, we shouldn't worry about giving the key to the meat locker to one of the hyenas. That's not a disaster in the making. Who knows meat better than hyenas?

And for humorous effect, its great that they picked a guy whose name looks an awful lot like Cash & Carry.

Sarah Palin's Debate Flowchart

This is a hoot.

Check out Sarah's thought process in the debate through this funny flowchart created by the very talented Aden Nak.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Cheney Most Dangerous

Tell us something we didn't already know.

Cheney Most Dangerous VP in History - TIME cover

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