Stevens Vows to Fight

After being found guilty on seven counts of corruption, Senator Ted Stevens vowed Monday to return to Alaska to fight the injustice and clear his name. While there, he also plans to devour his enemies and utterly crush the fragile Alaskan environment. "They created me," Stevens burbled from a pool of sludge, waving his monstrous tentacles at oil man, Bill Allen and other energy executives. "Their greed for power and indifference towards nature has turned me into the weapon of their own destruction."


Stevens, seen here in Anchorage's Cannery Row.