New Year Stumbles Into Its First Week Like Dick Cheney in a 7-Eleven

(Get it? It's a pacemaker joke.)

• No promise for prosperity in 2008, since the sub-prime lending catastophe still threatens to cripple our economy, though Bernanke refuses to tell us exactly when the collapse will occur.
• No hopeful political outlook in 2008, since it's offically an election year and the candidates will quickly resort to playing on our fears, those that haven't already.
• No promise of a healthy future starting with 2008, evidenced by the complete dismissal of Michael Moore's Sicko (perhaps his best movie to date) by the American masses who are completely brainwashed to fear socialized medicine in any form.

Take a deep breath! Deeper. Hold it in. Do you smell that? Yeah, me too. It's the same old shit we had in 2007.

Speaking of Dick Cheney, though, where is that wrinkled old ball sack? Hasn't been making many public appearances lately. Probably spending all his time in the gym, getting back down to his CEO fighting weight so he can jump right into an energy industry chief executive job when he give up his role as leader of the free world.