Water Boarding Isn't Torture... Yet?

Since Mukasey doesn't have a problem with water boarding, at least until there is a specific law that says "don't water board prisoners," instead of the current law that says, "don't torture anyone," I wonder if he has a problem with any of the following torturous, if legal, depravities?

• Dancing with the Stars
• Dinner with Jeremy Piven
• Listening to the checkout girls at The Gap contemplate outloud over who is dreamier, Jake Gyllenhall or Shia LaBeouf
• Giving dogs to Ellen
• Playing chess with George W. Bush
• Listening to Daughtrey
• Watching NASCAR
• Flying United
• Assisting Larry King acquire the blood of virgins
• Managing the logistics of transporting Mitt Romney's hair spray