Devil Resigns from Bush Administration

This weekend, as I drafted the agenda and rhetoric for the upcoming campaign of utter destruction against the country formerly known as Persia, I had the epiphanic realization that I can no longer in good conscience be a part of this diabolical plan. I realized that the death machine of hubris and hegemony must be dismantled. To that end, I understood that I must remove myself and my support from this stupefying symphony of lies and obfuscation.

With the clarity of humility, for the realization of a long history of wrongdoing, and from the guilt for my own actions against the great and honor-driven country of the United States and the people of the world, I humbly resign my position in this adminsitration, effective immediately. I intend to dedicate the remainder of my life to charitable causes, serving the poor and disenfranchised, and feeding the hungry.

It is with heartfelt remorse for my past actions that I make this announcement. And before the people of America, God, and all the fallen innocents, I throw myself at the mercy of this generation and those to follow.

May God have mercy on my soul.