The Death of Meaning in America

Warning: This really isn’t very funny

So, I'm tossing a Freschetta into the oven last night (I know that sounds like some sort of sexual practice, but it's just a frozen pizza) and I realized why Kerry might just lose. By the way, because my wife is an award-winning chef who worked at a five-star resort, people think we always have caviar and escargot for dinner. Nope. We eat frozen pizza. A lot. I mean, I love a good Freschetta as much as the next guy, unless of course that next guy is Tony Danza. I bet Tony Danza really loves Freschetta pizzas. If I were ever eating a Freschetta with Tony Danza (oh, please God, may my dream come true), I would love to lean over and say, "Abbondanza!" I know that "Abbondanza" is not the slogan for Freschetta pizzas, but it would totally make my day to say, "Abbondanza, Tony Danza."

Where was I?

Oh yeah, I'm munching a tasty Freschetta and it occurs to me that Bush has probably eaten hundreds if not thousands of crappy frozen pizzas (oops, there goes the lucrative TurnerPhelps Freschetta sponsorship). Yet, I doubt if Kerry has eaten a single frozen pizza, even though Heinz probably markets some sort of frozen tomato-based product. He actually is at home eating caviar and escargot. People can relate to Bush because he's a major league screw up who refuses to admit to his mistakes just like you and me. And he eats frozen pizza.

That's what America has come to. We don't care who is smarter or better qualified or even who has a better plan. If we did, Kerry would lead the polls by 20 points. We care about whether or not the president wears boxers or briefs, or if the president knows how to throw a baseball.

I was at a marketing conference last year and one the sessions I went to was on shifting demographic trends based on an aging population. The speaker's thesis was that each generation relates to truth in their own unique way. This is especially true of politics. For Boomers the formative political event that shaped their definition of truth was Watergate. There is truth somewhere and our job is to uncover it. For my generation, Gen X, the lost generation, the formative event was the Iran-Contra scandal. There is truth but we will never know anything close to it. Except for the truth that Republicans are lying thieves out to destroy the Constitution. For Gen Y, the formative event was the Monica Lewinsky affair. There might be truth but who wants to find out about something that repulsive?

We’ve become so disconnected to truth that the debate press room is now called the spin room. Republicans have landed on a brilliant strategy this year. People will assume that everything a politician says is half spin and half truth and they’ll end up somewhere in the middle. So Republicans have completely lied about everything and no one calls them on it. This list will make you sick.

If Bush wins, the first thing out of my mouth will be, "welcome to the death of meaning in America."