2 Headlines to Make Your Anus Pucker-up

I went to my news homepage today and these two Associated Press headlines just made me cringe:

President Bush Says He is the Best Candidate to Keep America Safe

Tons of Explosives Missing in Iraq

Get ready, folks. We're going to have some fireworks for Ramadan. Or maybe just a fraction of the missing 350 metric tons will find its way to the middle of a city in the United States, the way Dick Cheney has been threatening it would if Kerry wins.

Uncertain about how much a metric ton is? Take this test:

Answer: E. All of the above.