Friday, October 22, 2004

Rush Rushes to Appeal Ruling

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) - Rush Limbaugh on Thursday appealed a court ruling that Would allow prosecutors investigating his use of painkillers to examine his medical records.

Insiders tell TP Blog that Limbaugh is concerned the court may uncover some medical secret from his past. Our editorial staff conjectures that secret might be one of the following:
  • Limbaugh was actually born Rushkina Limbov in East Germany. Received sex change operation and emmigrated to America after failing to gain spot on East German women's Olympic track and field team (shot put) in 1964.
  • Treated for anal warts in 1992 (purportedly contracted from Alexander Haig in late 80's)
  • Has no working genitals, except two enormous balls that give him superhuman courage to publically spout completely unfounded statements as facts.

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