Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Why We Don't Write Greeting Cards

At one point I thought it would be a good idea for Phelps and I to go into the greeting card business. Phelps is a great illustrator and I have experience with greeting people at WalMart. The concept would’ve been greeting cards from you and someone famous – wink, wink, nudge, nudge. But alas, this is all I could come up with.

Outside: Sorry I stole the election…
Inside: …like you stole my heart. Happy Valentines Day, Love George “W” Bush

Outside: Why should I send you a crappy Mothers Day card?
Inside: You didn’t send me a card on Creepy Troll Day -- HHMMPHT! – Dick Cheney

Outside: If you were the New York Times…
Inside: I would let you leak my secret identity. Missing you – Clark Kent

Outside: Best wishes on overcoming multiple lacerations and the amputation of your left tibia.
Inside: Get well soon – and buy some body armor next time, you cheapskate. – Don Rumsfeld

Outside: Do you miss me like I miss you?
Inside: Do you even remember me? I’m TV funnyman Fred Travelena. Turner and Phelps hold me high as a god in the Greek pantheon. That should count for something. Are you going to finish that sandwich?

Outside: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Inside: When your party gives you a functionally retarded candidate who smells like Aqua Velva, make him the Leader of the Free World. Cheer up, there’s always a silver lining. – Karl Rove


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