WARNING: Bird Flu Sweeping North America

The U.S. has been caught off guard as Bird Flu sweeps through metropolitan areas like a wildfire, affecting nearly one out of ten citizens.

Independently owned record stores are being hit the hardest along with jumbo media chains, such as MediaPlay and Sam Goody. A spokesman for MediaPlay said Wednesday that Charlie Parker's Greatest Hits had been sold out for days while people infected with "Bird Fever" are queued-up outside waiting for resupply. "The record companies can't send them to us fast enough. They're just flying off the shelves!"

Hit nearly as hard by the fever are the music and musical instrument retail outlets. Bob Tanoki of Big Bob's Beebop Bungalo in Greenwich Village, NY, says it's the best thing that's ever happened to him. "I've sold twenty alto saxes this week and seven tenors! I'm rolling in dough!" When asked about the infected, Bob said, "They've definitely got Bird Flu. Sharp dressers, love the jazz, and talk all the time about heading to Kansas City to find themselves a good swing club."