Friday, September 23, 2005

Bush Opens Ranch to Hurricane Refugees

In a grand display of pure brotherly love, George and Laura Bush invited hundreds of thousands of their fellow Texans displaced by hurricane Rita to spend the weekend at their ranch in Crawford, Texas. They opened the gates to the 1,600 acre ranch, where people fleeing from the coast could park their cars and RVs, refuel, rest, grieve their losses, camp in tents and shower in field showers provided by nearby Fort Hood. People were allowed to escape from the Central Texas heat by enjoying a swim in the river or a dip in the lake. The President and first lady were even on hand one evening to help dish out beans and coleslaw from the chuck wagon-style dinner they paid for every night. Huge plasma screen monitors were erected on towers so the crowds could watch the storm reports on Fox News, and popular bands from Austin's 6th Street venues were bussed to the ranch to entertain the refugees. Willie Nelson and Sheryl Crow serenaded the displaced Houstonites and Galvestonians, while Jim Hightower woke them every morning over the P.A. system with whimsical Texan euphemisms.

Oh, wait. Nope. This never happened. In fact, the President cancelled his planned visit to Texas this week "so he wouldn't distract from the emergency relief efforts being conducted."



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