Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Kathy Griffin Files for Divorce, Husband Begs Judge for Death

Kathy Griffin, the 'comedian' who rose to the top of the D-list being as annoying as inhumanly possible, has filed for divorce from her husband of 4 and half years, Matt Moline.

Bystanders at the courthouse report Moline pleading with the judge to give him the death penalty. When the judge explained that a divorce is a civil suit without victim or punishment, Moline reportedly broke down, crying.

"Please," he begged, "have the baillif shoot me in the head. All day long I hear her voice, louder and louder, and smarmier and smarmier. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard, day and night. She's constantly complaining and judging and judging and complaining! I can't even take a piss without her telling that I'm shaking it off wrong!"

Friends made court appearances explaining to the judge that Griffin was a very demanding celebrity spouse and that she would often force her husband to listen to her rehearse her grating stand-up comedy routine, as often as three and four times a day.

"She would sometimes do one routine over and over, and only change the inflection or emphasis of one word," a friend of Kathy's testified, "Clay AIken. CLAY Aiken. Clay AiKEN. I'm surprised he didn't pull his own ears off or shove an ice pick into his brain two years ago."

Court documents cite irreconcilable differences as the reason for the filing.


Blogger stevie.be. said...

this is effing hilarious :)

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, Moline stole $72 grand from her, took her ATM cards while she was asleep withdrew over a period of several months.
His profile on linked in says he currently works for St. Vincent's Hospital, but the hospital closed years ago.
Also, he was in military jail for a bit after stealing a fellow soldier's ATM card and trying to use it.
I get that you're not a fan of Griffin's but that asshole should be in jail.

6:59 AM  

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