Saturday, October 22, 2005

Rummy and His Mongol Hoards - I Mean - Horse

The president of Mongolia, Nambaryn Enkhbayar, graciously presented Donald Rumsfeld with a prize Mongolian horse this weekend while Rummy was visiting the Asian country. The gift is customary, and represents the friendship and understanding the people of Mongolia have with the people of the visiting dignitary. After checking it's teeth and commenting on it being shorter than "normal" American horses, Rummy named it "Montana."

While thanking the President for the gift, the Secretary of Defense promptly snatched a decorative sabre from a Mongolian honor guard and hacked the braying beast to death with it, yelling, "How's that, Montana? Like that? Want some more?" Then he poured lighter fluid on the carcass and lit it on fire. Stunned and appalled, members of the Mongolian elite, the news media, the security detail, and President Enkhbayar, were too shocked to do anything but watch the recently mauled animal burn.

The bystanders collectively shrieked when Rummy then tore the Mongolian flag from a nearby flagpole and put the animal out with it. "Smells like Mongolian Bar-B-Que!" he yelled over the angry cries from the crowd.

Finally, he positioned the smoldering carcass of the animal so that it appeared to be praying like a Buddhist monk, causing many Mongolians present to flail themselves and fall to the ground in horror.

Rummy ended his visit with a feigned apologetic shrug, smiled, and waived to the cameras as he climbed aboard Airforce Three and headed for Lithuania.

Later, when asked by the American press corps why he would do such a terribly offensive thing, he furrowed his brow and said, "we need an inquiry into this event. And the Pentagon, which I run, will need to expedite the inquiry before we get too much bad press about it."


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