Bush Holds Wake for Turkey, no photos of casket allowed

Tomorrow, our brave and honorable President will hold a funeral service and wake for an American who gave his life for national security.

His country needed him, so Pfc Thom Turquee laid down his life so that the men and women who run this country (and think they run the rest of the world) would have sustainence and energy to continue the war on terror.

"He was a brave fellow," the President will remark, "I'll remember him fondly."

The wake will be held in the largest of the White House dining rooms, the Wm. H. Taft ballroom, with plenty of gravy and cornbread dressing to go around. After a short prayer and speaking in tongues by the President, the attendees of the dinner, to include the First Lady, Veep Dick Cheney and his wife, soon-to-be Secretary of State Condie Rice and guest, Ron Artest (who promises not to punch any bystanders), will watch Don Rumsfeld very slowly and deliberately carve Pfc Turquee until, as the Sec of Defence puts it, "he tells me everything I already know."

During the dessert, soon-to-be ex-Attorney General John Ashcroft will sing the praises of our fallen comrade Turquee, accompanied by the Neo-con Dancers: Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, Douglas Feith, Lewis "Scooter" Libby, and the incomparable Bill Kristol.

*Pfc ~ Poultry, first class