Friday, November 19, 2004

Moment of (Overwhelming) Clinton Nostalgia

Finally the William Jefferson Clinton Library. Now the real Americans can pause a sec to reflect on how good we had it before we were overrun by insensitive, selfish, war-mongering chauvinists. Raise a Big Mac and fries in Bill's honor as you ponder:

* Why couldn't he have opened this sucker a month ago to help push Kerry over the top?

* Is the library big enough to contain more than one copy of Bill's mammoth 900,000 page autobio, "My Life," and are the plans for reforestation upon publication of the paperback?

* Will there be interactive exhibits? Testicular electrocution paddles so Republicans can finally "feel our pain," at least for a few moments? Giant Star Wars episode IV trash compactors to simulate the crushing shrinkage of consumer confidence in the post-Clinton era?

* Will it feature a cigar bar named, "The Blue Dress?"

* Will the truth about Whitewater finally come out -- if Clinton had acted as Ken Starr had suggested and started closing down S&Ls there would've been a run on banks that would've destroyed the Arkansas economy. And we all know that destroying economies is reserved for Republicans.

* Who will be the first on the exciting thrill ride, “Presidential IQ Rollercoaster?” After a quick dip between Kennedy and Johnson, the coaster climbs to dramatic heights with each successive administration only to run out of track on January 20, 2001.


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