Friday, November 12, 2004

RNC Credits Reagan with Arafat’s Death

The Republican National Committee released the following statement regarding Yasser Arafat’s death today:

As you know, and we refuse to stop telling you, it was Ronald Reagan’s ultraconservative war-mongering that brought down the Berlin Wall. Liberal sissies will tell you that Soviet-era totalitarianism was so amazingly inefficient that it was bound to collapse upon itself anyway. Nevertheless, we know that it was bombs, lots and lots of bombs, that brought down the Wall. Would that money have been better spent on food for young mothers or keeping an army of insane homeless people in mental institutions or even paving roads and developing technology? You betcha’. But we all felt better about ourselves by building lots and lots of bombs and threatening the world into imaginary submission. Isn’t that what being American is all about?

Unfortunately, few of you realize that Reagan’s hawkish megalomania also sent Yasser Arafat into a coma and ultimately to the grave. Who can forget Reagan’s immortal words from 2002, “Coma, Dogma, Palestine, Yasser.” It’s true that advanced Alzheimer’s reduced Reagan to inaudible, mumbled cryptic sayings, but the meaning is clear. Unless he was saying, “comb a dog with pudding, yes sir,” which is possible. But either way, who can deny that the power of those words sent Yasser Arafat into a coma only two years later?

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