New Abu Ghraib Torture: Forced Sex with Liza Minelli

"Keep it together, Minelli."

Silly stories this week in the fantastical world of American celebrity include:

LizaMinelli's ex-bodyguard is suing her for beating him and forcing him to have sex with her. (Albert Gonzales asks her lawyer for the naughty details to get more ideas for ways to torture enemy combatants.)

Bill Maher's ex-girlfriend is suing him for not following through on his promises and getting heavy handed at a party.
(Just like a Democrat.)

Burt Reynolds' ex-girlfriend is suing him for not buying her a house, and for stepping on her toes during an argument.
You can sue someone for stepping on your toes? The Bushes should use that precedent against Michael Moore.