Friday, November 12, 2004

Things I Learned from Scott Peterson

If I kill my wife...
  1. I'll actually pretend like I'm worried about where she is.
  2. I won't go on a buying spree for a new truck and new mattress.
  3. I won't dye my hair and head to the border with a suitcase full of cash.
  4. I'll make sure I have an alibi during the time of her disappearance.
  5. I'll make sure there's no body to wash up on shore (can you say wood chipper and chum bucket?)
  6. Correction, she won't disappear at all, she'll have a plausible accident.
Sheesh, the guy should get the death penalty just for being such a dumb ass.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

A non-political, non-anti US, non-GW bashing blog? What's happened here? Are you guys actually trying to be more centrist vs ultra left?

7:52 AM  
Blogger Phelps said...

Ahh, this anonymous comment sounds like Mr. Diet Coke, or perhaps one of his Freeper groupies.
GW-bashing, anonymous? We don't bash GW. We just point out his obvious and constant foibles in a lovable, almost endearing fashion.
And anti-American, you say? Puhleeze! When has voicing your own opinion, standing up for civil rights, and questioning authority been un-American? Oh, yeah. Ever since they enacted the Patriot Act.

8:31 AM  
Blogger God of History said...

Remember the most important thing you learned from Scott was that no matter how much or how long you have to pay, unless you get away with it, divorce may be a better option than death.

If his lawyer had any intelligence he would beg that CA invokes the death penelty (and therefore solitary). You just now how those 'general population' boy-friends are when it comes to guys killing their 9-month-pregnant wives...

Can you say "lubricant first, lubricant first!"?

10:44 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

That's just the beginning. There is no lubricant in Hell.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Phelps said...

Reminds me of that scene in Adam Sandler's "Little Nicky" where in Hell, Hitler is dressed like a French maid and everyday gets to pick the pineapple that the Devil is going to use to sodomize him. The demons open the refrigerator full of pineapples. Hitler picks a small one, and the Devil gives a little shake of the head until Hitler picks a great big one.

2:03 PM  

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