Powell Resigns, World Fails to Notice

Colin Powell has given his resignation as Secretary of State. Powell will be best remembered for reducing the role of Secretary of State to invisible whining.

“Oh, he was the Secretary of State?” asked a senior Bush aide on the condition of anonymity. “We all wondered what he did here. He just sort of wandered the halls mumbling to himself, ‘I should’ve been President.’ I thought he quit a year ago.”

Veep-Troll Dick Cheney had this to say about Powell: “I’ve never met the man. In four years of presiding over the Senate, I’ve never met him once.” When a reporter reminded Cheney that he and Powell had attended over 200 Cabinet meetings together, Cheney quickly retorted, “why are you jeopardizing the safety of this country by disclosing my weekly location?”

In Powell’s defense, no one actually explained the role of Secretary of State to him. According to the Constitution (that quaint, antiquated document that John Ashcroft wisely replaced with the Ten Commandments), the Secretary of State is the trustworthy guardian of our freedom, even to the point of accepting the resignation of the President should that become obviously necessary to more than 49% of the country. Instead, Powell thought his role was to kowtow to the Neo-con party line and discard his considerable integrity to support a war that violates international law and then grumble about it behind the scenes. Can you say “Flip-Flopper?”