Friday, June 17, 2005

Downing Street's Page 2

Everyone's talking about the Downing Street Memo and how it illustrates the White House's predisposition for tricking the oh-so gullible American Congress and public into supporting Bush's agenda on regime change in Iraq.

But nobody's talking about the misplaced and uncelebrated Page Two of the memo, that Turner/Phelps newshound and trash-sifter, Mitch, has uncovered and made available here, exclusively on T/P:

- - - - - - - Page Two - - - - - - -

re: Tea and crumpets
Secretary of defense unhappy with the selection of biscuits on the buffet. He chastises Mrs. Wumplebottom (house manager domestic), saying shortbread and chocolate scones muck-up his dentures. Demands "old-fashioned" toll house chocolate chip cookies, whatever those are. Further dismisses Mrs. Wumplebottom's Union Jack tea cozy, saying it is "un-American" which is the obvious.
re: Accommodations
Prime minister asks national security advisor if she enjoyed her previous night's stay and did she appreciate the view of Big Ben. NSA responds that "the damned clock" chimed every hour, keeping her awake all night. She pressed Mrs. Wumplebottom to make a pot of strong black coffee, and to "keep it coming."
re: Exit strategy
Secretary of defense assures prime minister that US has a concrete exit strategy, but that the PM shouldn't "worry his pretty little head" over the details. Punches Mrs. Wumplebottom in the left breast for trying to clear his plate before he finished his scone.
re: Coallition Committments
Prime minister voices concern over the attack strategy, worries that without full UN cooperation, the burden of invasion, occupation, and peacekeeping would fall primarily on US and UK military. Secretary of defense derides PM's concerns, saying the US barely needs the UK, and asks why would they care about weak nations with "old world mentalities?" Plus, Secretary of defense says White House is confident they can gain military support from Fiji, Costa Rica, and Poland.
re: Lunch
Secretary of Defense orders the fish and chips. PM orders the salad with croutons. NSA orders beef Wellington, extra rare, with blood pudding and a martini. Secretary of Defense pummels Mrs. Wumplebottom and throws his plate at her, claiming, "I ordered CHIPS, you stupid cow, not steak fries!" Lunch was followed by light conversation about the weather.


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