Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Undoing the Newseek Damage

WASHINGTON (AP) - The State Department, moving to undo damage it says was caused by a Newsweek article alleging U.S. desecration of the Quran, the Muslim holy book, is telling its embassies to spread the word abroad that America respects all religious faiths.
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Memo to All Embassies Abroad

From: Your State Department
Re: 10 Ways to Show How We Respect the Qu'ran
(also referred to as the Koran)
Date: May 17, 2005

  1. Prominently display it in your house and embassy offices resting on something OTHER THAN a toilet.
  2. Try not to flush the Qu'ran down a toilet, or put it on the ground, or use it to discipline your dog for making a mess on the carpet.
  3. Refrain from tearing pages out of it to write yourself reminders.
  4. Do not tell people of the Islam faith that you consider the Qu'ran "great light reading when I'm taking a crap."
  5. When talking with people of the Islam faith, do not refer to the Qu'ran as "your Bible," or "your Torah."
  6. Try not to say, "the Qu'ran would be better if it wasn't so preachy, and didn't have so many Arabs in it."
  7. When trying to get a taxicab driver's attention, do not throw the Qu'ran at them.
  8. When entertaining people of the Islam faith, do not use the Qu'ran as a coaster for your cocktails.
  9. Do not store the Qu'ran on a bookshelf next to Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses.
  10. Do not use it as a cutting board for your ham sandwich or BLT.


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