California Voting Machines: The End of the World

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - California will allow voting at electronic voting machines in November at all but four counties, after an improvement in security measures, the state's top election official said on Tuesday.

Miles beneath San Francisco, in his Fortress of Magma, Dark Lord Cheney sits on his mahogany and basalt throne, petting his horned iguana, Rummy, and chuckles to himself.

"Excellent," his voice rumbles through the sulfurous fumes, "the pieces are all falling into place, just as I planned. Soon every state will be using electronic voting machines, and my minions at the Halliburton Electronic Legislation Ligation offices will make good use of the results. Mwah ha ha!"