Thursday, July 01, 2004

Election Forecast # 1


Thom's Predictions:
1. When Bush/Cheney start feeling the pressure of a tight race, they'll play the "Osama" card. We know they already captured Osama bin Laden, and they're keeping it hush-hush by saving him as their ace-in-the-hole for when the polls show them trailing. They'll pull him out of the secret prison they've got him in, and parade him around as an example of what a good job they're doing in the war on terror. He's a ringer for them winning.
2. John Kerry will enlist a truly hated politician or worthless non-politician to be his running mate (like Hillary Clinton, Marion Barry, or Rich Little) so that when he tanks in November, he can blame it on the running mate or on the Democratic party's "choice" of a running mate, and still save some dignity for himself. (What am I saying? Does he have any dignity?)
3. The election will be pre-empted by either a massive domestic attack (of the terror, criminal, or Janet Jackson FCC variety) or by an unexpected natural disaster, forcing the President to declare a state of emergency, establish martial law, reinstate the draft, and boost the invasiveness of the Patriot Act. At which time, for the sake of national defense, Bush/Cheney will ride out the next six years as El Supremo Commander and The Dark Lord of Information, on a wave of media-driven fear and hype.

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