Custody Schmustody

Iraq's interim government said it will take legal, but not physical, custody of Saddam Hussein and 11 of his top associates on today. Yeah, that sounds like a real hand-over of power to me.

I've decided that my own imaginary puppet government (henceforth named The Imperial Republic of Peepdonqui) shall take legal (but not physical) custody of the following items:

* P-Diddy's Bentley and assortment of related bling

* The bones of the Elephant Man

* Charles Nelson Riley

* Delaware

* John McCain's popularity

* Thom Phelps' gin-soaked liver

* MTV

* Busey v. Nolte

* Cubism, with the exception of Picasso's blue period

* John Kerry's fabulous hair