Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Post-election Headlines

California -- With the national elections over, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi turned her attention to her home state. There, she hopes to get legislation passed broadening the definition of marriage to include, "...between a man and the consenting barnyard animal of his choice."

Maryland -- Vice president-elect Joseph Biden was rushed to the naval hospital in Bethesda, Wednesday, for dog bite wounds and burns. "He set his hellhounds on me," the Pennsylvania politician said as his gurney was wheeled into the emergency room, referring to the 3-headed, sulfur-born Rottweiler Dick Cheney summoned to guard the vice presidential bunker from "those dirty Dems.".

Washington, DC -- George Bush completed and mailed-in the formal paperwork nominating himself for a Nobel Peace Prize, despite a standing reply to "don't even bother" from the board of the Geneva-based foundation.

Waco -- Thousands of stunned Texans gathered in the streets the day after the presidential election, anticipating the advent of End Times with their immediate rapture. By the end of the day, sunburned and dehydrated, they were still standing there.

London -- Frustrated by going two months without being in the news, author JK Rowling shocks fans around the world by announcing that her character Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, is transgendered and will pursue a sex change in the epilogic book she's writing titled, "Rubeus Hagrid and the Snip-Snip Tuck Unders."


Blogger David said...

I'd be worried about Cheney not sharing the location of his secret bunker to prevent the Dems from putting up any sissy decorations and painting over the black walls with AoD logo's! AAAHHHHH!!! Gallahad! Gallahad! Dog gone it Norbert - Gallahad!!!

11:14 AM  

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