Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Presidential Podium Nervous of Bush Support

During his press conference this morning, Corky Robinson of the Yakima Tribune asked the President if we can expect more changes in his cabinet. With steely eyes on the intrepid cub reporter, Bush's response was frank, stern, and decisive.

"Corky, that's a nice bow tie you have on. I feel like you're going to break into a barber shop quartet song any minute.
"But to get straight to the answer for your question, no, I don't plan to make any changes to my cabinets. And I'll stay the course with my bureaus, too. I'm a war president. You won't see me cutting and running. Take this presidential podium. It's been part of my white house since the beginning. Strong, sure, and confident in its abilities, as I am, confident in its abilities to do the job I've asked it to do. Sure, it's old and kind of smells funny, but I've stood behind it for these six years, and I expect to stand behind it for the rest of my term. It's true that people complain about Ol' Podie, as I call it. They say it needs a facelift. I don't listen to that kind of unpatriotic, self-defeating advice. I have charged this podium with a job and as they say, it serves at the pleasure of the president. That's me. The president. I'm a war president with plenty of politcal capitol to spend, still. Sure, Ol' Podie is hard to be around. Folks complain that it's too rough around the edges and that even getting a little close means you run the risk of some nasty splinters or even a staph infection. But I didn't appoint it for its craftmanship. I appointed it to hold the seal of my office. I appointed it to mask the teleprompter that I use for speeches. And I appointed it to be something I could hide my liquor in when I have to talk to the likes of you reporters.

"Ol' Podie is doing a fantastic job and it will continue to be my one and only podium for the rest of my tenure in the Oval office. So just back off, Corky, or God help me, I'll come down there and open a whole can of three-alarm Texas whoopass on you."


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