Friday, February 03, 2006

Friday Entertainment Headlines

Locklear Files for Divorce From Sambora
Finally. Heather is fed up with finding 16-year-old Bonjovi groupies under her bed, and Hepatitis C in her liver.

Simon Cowell to Search for Talent in Vegas
Experts don't expect his search to be fruitful, predicting that he'll be just as untalented as he was before.

Death Cab, Franz Ferdinand to Tour
A taxi from the underworld surfaced this week, bearing the dessicated corpse of the assassinated Austrian royal, driving around the EU, and generally stinking to high heaven.

'Commander in Chief' Takes Six-Week Break
Geena Davis blames the precursor to her show's cancellation on the public's disinterest in unnaturally high cheek bones and squirrel-like speech patterns. "It can't be that they realized we were just a rip-off of West Wing."


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