The Big Questions for 2006

Will Gwen Stefani follow suit with the rest of Hollywood and use the birth of her baby as a cover for getting a boob job? Bigger return, no doubt, for Gwen's teenage male fans (and Phelps).

Will President Bush shake things up at the Whitehouse with a reorg? Unlikely. His cadre of yes-men, strong-arms and ass-kissers have served him well, kept his neo-con agenda on track, and spun a web of deceit too sticky for anyone to escape, short of having a massive stroke (Cheney, May '06) or a sex-change operation (Rumsfeld, Aug. '07).

Will Dave Navarro's face actually collapse under the weight of his make-up in his attempt to wear more cosmetics than his wife, Carmen Electra? Hopefully.

Will the government-prescribed teaching of Intelligent Design gain a foothold across America and cement our position as "Most idiotic of industrialized nations"? Probably. It's hard to imagine us not already having that statuette on our mantel (damn you, Kerblekistan!)