Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Aragorn Spanks Dubya for His Hypocrisy

In her gossip column for MSNBC, Jeanette Walls reports that "Viggo Mortensen blasts President Bush."

“I’m not anti-Bush; I’m anti-Bush behavior,” Mortensen told Progressive magazine. “In other words, I’m against cheating, greed, cruelty, racism, imperialism, religious fundamentalism, treason, and the seemingly limitless capacity for hypocrisy shown by Bush and his administration.”

As he became more passionate during the interview, Viggo stood on his chair and broke into high elvish:

Ai! laurië lantar lassi súrinen,
Yéni únótimë ve rámar aldaron!
Yéni ve lintë yuldar avánier mi
oromardi lisse-miruvóreva
Andúnë pella, Vardo tellumar
nu luini yassen tintilar i eleni
ómaryo airetári-lírinen.

Then he pulled out the sword that he was hiding beneath his Armani suit jacket and drove it through the magazine interviewer's intern, Max.

True renaissance man that he is, Viggo revealed the blank canvas, easel, brushes, and oil paints he had in his briefcase and promptly painted the entire scene in the style of Raffael, composing an original poem as he cried over the intern's body. Awestruck by his raw talent and emotion, the interviewer gave Viggo all of his money, hurried him away in a taxi, and told the police when they arrived that Max had accidentally fallen on the sword during a coffee break.

Don't you wish you had a little Viggo Mortensen in you?


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