Monday, July 11, 2005

Karl Rove: Causing More Leaks than Hurricane Dennis

A phone conversation takes place in a dark, dusty office deep beneath the White House, July 11, 2003. A stale cigar smolders in an ash tray, filling the room with sinewy ghosts chasing each other across the light cast by a single flickering incandescent bulb. The smell of rotting subpeoanas and press releases clash with the stale tobacco:

Reporter: Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

KRove: My pleasure, but this has to be quick. I'm going on vacation.

Reporter: I was curious about your thoughts on Ambassador Wilson's report that Saddam Hussein never tried to get Uranium from Nigeria.

KRove: Ambassador Wilson needs to watch who's toes he's stepping on. Important people don't like to be contradicted.

Reporter: Do you mean the President?

KRove: I didn't say that. But if I had, the answer would be, "yes."

Reporter: Um, and your opinion of Ambassador Wilson?

KRove: He's a tricky character. Not to be trusted. Did you know his wife is an undercover spy for the CIA?

Reporter: Really? Valerie Plame is an undercover agent?

KRove: I never said her name. But if I had, the answer would be, "yes." That's double super secret, of course, so you can't quote me.

Reporter: Then why are you telling me?

KRove: Like I said, some very important people, say, certain people who meet regularly in the Oval Office, are pissed off at that whiny baby, Wilson, for knocking a hole in their iron-clad case for going to war. Plus, it will send a message to the other folks who might be thinking of standing up to us - I mean - standing up to the important people. But I didn't say that, either.

Reporter: Important people like President Bush, secretary Rumsfeld, and vice president Cheney?

KRove: I didn't say their names.

Reporter: But if you had?

KRove: Then the answer would be, "yes." But since I didn't say their names, any further questions will have to be screened by my lawyer.

Reporter: You've got a lawyer to screen your questions?

KRove: Just thinking about my future - I mean - the future. Well, I've got to go now. Vacation is calling!


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