Saturday, October 30, 2004

That’s One of Those Egg Saturations

During the last debate, when Senator Kerry warned the American people that George W. Bush had said he wasn’t really concerned about Osama Bin Laden, many of the newspapers reported that Bush’s clever retort was:

“Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations.”

In fact, what the First Monkey said was, “It’s kind of one of those ‘egg saturations.’” You see, in the bush clan, when Neil, Jeb or little George was ever caught accidentally telling the truth, Barbara would pour twelve raw eggs down their pants and make them dance the Hustle. They called this punishment “egg saturation,” and sometimes Bush still refers to it when confronted by the truth. That’s why he giggled like a little girl after he said it – he was picturing Kerry disco dancing with albumen-coated slacks.

Here are some other “egg saturations,” Kerry could be guilty of in the coming days:

This president is a war president – he has declared war upon the American language.

The administration’s plan to crush Social Security with privatization is as queer as Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter.

If you think watching these tapes of Osama is irritating, just count it as one more miserable failure of this administration to properly operate a VCR.

Does anyone else think it’s phony that a filthy-rich, Yale-educated oil baron drops the “g” off of words like “workin’,” and “huntin’?”

Over 100,000 Iraqis have died in connection with Bush’s illegal war – at least we didn’t use gas on them like that war criminal, Saddam Hussein.

If Carl Rove loves Zell Miller so much, why don’t they go get married in Massachusetts? I’m sure that Dick Cheney’s super-gay lesbian daughter would approve.

My hair is tres-Presidential, no? Oui!

You can have a president focused on things he can’t ever change – fundamentalism in Iraq, abortion rights, gay marriage, hastening the apocalypse… or you can have a president who wants to cut the deficit, bring jobs back to America, and guarantee the White House is not filled with head lice.

I mean, my daughter is a really straight, heterosexual woman, but the Cheney’s should be proud to raise such a really gay lesbo in their family. I mean totally gay. And I support her lesbianism, which is to say she’s a person – a gay person – who should enjoy the same rights enjoyed by, say, an evil failed energy CEO who is now Vice President of the most powerful nation in the world.


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