Wallstreet Broads Jiggle To The Tune Of 54 Million

NEW YORK (AP) - In an agreement hailed by a judge as a "watershed" for women on Wall Street, brokerage Morgan Stanley (MWD) has agreed to pay $54 million to settle allegations of rampant sex discrimination.

An unidentified man from the Morgan Stanley legal defense team said, "I don't get what the hullabaloo is all about. They get two friggin' months off every time they squeeze out a baby, they get to wear pants, suits OR skirts to work, and they get to wear their hair as long as they want. Us men don't get any of that. So why are they pissed off that they get paid less and don't get invited to strip clubs? Do they want to be invited to strip clubs? 'Cause, any man will tell you, we wanted to invite them to the strip club client meetings, Lord knows we'd like to see them on stage stuffing dollars into strippers' g-strings, but we didn't think they would accept. Sorry, I have to leave now and make it to my "sensitivity" training so I can learn about cramps and pantyhose."