Kerry Plays it Down the Middle

Showing that he finally understands his only hurdle to the White House is to just avoid screwing up until November, John Kerry has chosen John Edwards as his Veep candidate. Other potential ticket-mates, including Al Gore, Howard Dean, Ted McGinley and Kerry's own fabulous hair, were undoubtedly disappointed at not getting a chance at an easy lay-up into the history books this fall.

The Kerry-Edwards campaign also played it safe with their slogan, "Kerry-Edwards. A stronger America." Better choices would have included:

* "Kerry-Edwards. At least we can read."
* "Kerry-Edwards. Rich. Handsome. Metrosexual."
* "Kerry-Edwards. Because you hate Bush and Ralph Nader has that annoying eye-twitch."
* "Kerry-Edwards. You won't have to make embarrassing apologies on your next international business trip."
* "Kerry-Edwards. Defeat Bush -- Again."