John Kerry picks John Edward

AP Story: At a rally in Pittsburgh on Tuesday, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry selected former rival John Edward.

Edward accepted Kerry's selection, saying, "Kerry's dead father told me last night I'd be getting a phonecall from his son. He kept showing me a telephone, the letters VP and a blow dryer."

When asked why he chose a celebrity psychic as his running mate, Kerry said, "Who better to dig up dirt on The Bushies than somebody who is intimately linked to the Other Side?"

The Republican camp was nonplussed by the announcement. A source from the VP's office stated anonymously, "Since Dick Cheney is the Dark Lord of Hades, and thus holds sway over all warlocks, witches, diviners, and mimes, Senator Kerry's choice actually plays into our talon - er - hand."