It Takes a Lot of Moola for Hair That Fabulous

Senator John Kerry raised over $34 million in June, with $3 million on Wednesday alone -- a new online fund-raising record. The campaign's web servers came to a crashing halt thanks to myriad donors stuffing their bills into Kerry's virtual g-string.

Pundits say that Kerry's fund-raising success is due to his clever use of Al Gore's fancy-schmancy brainchild "The Internet." And, of course, that he's running against an inarticulate monkey.