Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Ten Tips For Career Advancement in the Bush "Recovery"

1. Practice in the mirror, "would you like fries with that?
2. Have you considered street hustling? Get out there and shake it like a Polaroid.
3. Snatch tax dollars by starting an energy company with the vice president
4. Become a performance artist by standing under the freeway with a cardboard sign that says "will work for food," and peeing on yourself -- although the competition is stiff
5. Buy low, sell lower
6. Build a giant laser capable of destroying the sun and threaten the world with an eternal ice age if you don't receive billions of dollars
7. Sell a kidney, five feet of small intestine and your corneas to rich mad scientists
8. Start an unemployment support group with George Tenet
9. Promote conservative Bible study groups in your bomb shelter that ponder new ways for George W. Bush to bring about the apocalypse
10. Run for President

1 Comments:

Blogger Mitch said...

11. Adopt a quirky lifestyle as a migrant farmworker picking crops in beautiful California or Florida.
12. Learn Hindi, move to India, and take back your job you lost to outsourcing.
13. Start a John Ashcroft fanclub franchise.
14. Join a local minority gang.
15. Advertise yourself as a conservative professor, and sue liberal college until they hire you into their "diverse" faculty.
16. There's money in that backyard meth lab, so get cooking!
17. Become a freewheeling drifter politician, moving from town to town, writing inept laws and annoying the locals. P.S. Colorado Springs is Doug Bruce's turf, so find some other place, punk, or he'll put a parking meter bag over your head and leave you in front of the local republic office.
18. Join the faith as a priest. Buy that barbie doll baptist wife you've always had your eye on.
19. Have you considered an exciting career as an underground mad scientist? Get your squalid hunchback sidekick today!
20. Become a scallywag or houligan, or, horrors, a ruffian.

11:14 AM  

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