Ten Tips For Career Advancement in the Bush "Recovery"

1. Practice in the mirror, "would you like fries with that?
2. Have you considered street hustling? Get out there and shake it like a Polaroid.
3. Snatch tax dollars by starting an energy company with the vice president
4. Become a performance artist by standing under the freeway with a cardboard sign that says "will work for food," and peeing on yourself -- although the competition is stiff
5. Buy low, sell lower
6. Build a giant laser capable of destroying the sun and threaten the world with an eternal ice age if you don't receive billions of dollars
7. Sell a kidney, five feet of small intestine and your corneas to rich mad scientists
8. Start an unemployment support group with George Tenet
9. Promote conservative Bible study groups in your bomb shelter that ponder new ways for George W. Bush to bring about the apocalypse
10. Run for President