Monday, June 14, 2004

Ronald Reagan Quiz

1. What are the circumstances of Ronald Reagan’s birth:
a) He was sent here from the Heavens as a blessing to America
b) He was born February 6, 1911 to a human mother in Illinois above a store
c) He was born before the “Age of Reason,” and was put into a 300 year sleeping curse to only to awake and eventually become our president
d) Demons from the seventh circle of Hell are technically not “born”

2. Why the nickname “Dutch?”
a) Yahweh was already taken
b) His father gave him the nickname in childhood
c) It was ironic in that he never paid his own way
d) It’s an Esperanto word that means, “take from the poor and give to the rich”

3. What was his first full time job?
a) Savior of the free world
b) An Iowa sportscaster
c) As an actor and politician, he never truly worked an honest day’s work in his life
d) Torturing lost souls in Hades with a pair of pliers and a red-hot oyster fork

4. When and where did Reagan utter the famous line, “Where’s the rest of me?”
a) Just before it was explained to him that angels from heaven didn’t have corporal bodies
b) When he played the character of an amputee in the film “King’s Row”
c) When he first learned he was born without a heart or soul
d) As the demons formed his body out of the rotting flesh of dead Australian dingoes

5. What was the question Reagan asked in 1980 that became his campaign slogan?
a) Shall we bow down to the heavenly gods of greed and ego?
b) Are you better off than you were four years ago?
c) Would you mind terribly much if I turned loose all of our institutionalized mental patients onto the streets of America to pan-handle on every corner and pee on public property?
d) How, oh lord Satan, will I lead the greatest country in the history of the world into total depravity?

6. How old was Reagan when he first became President?
a) Angels are ageless
b) 69
c) Do you have an age when you’re dead from the neck up?
d) 666

7. In 1983 he proposed a missile defense system called Strategic Defense Initiative. What did most people call it?
a) Pure genius
b) Starwars
c) Delusional
d) Born of a crack-pipe

If you answered “a” to most questions, you’re are a Republican, and thus incapable of logical thought or dialog.
If you answered “b” to most questions: do you believe everything in the Reagan bio, you tool of the state?
If you answered “c” to most questions, you are a good, gracious, God-fearing and patriotic American
If you answered “d” to most questions, you are James Carville


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