Factor Flash Translation

Translations from the latest (June 17, 2004) Factor Flash email newsletter from Bill “talented people suck” O’Reilly

Factor Flash Dribble: Some of the press used the (9/11) Commission's report to suggest Bush mislead the public about Saddam and Al Qaeda. I do not believe that is true.
Translation: I have totally lost my grip on reality.

Factor Flash Dribble: The Factor is especially outraged by the New York Times' distortion of the honest work of the 9/11 Commission, and using it to bludgeon President Bush.
Translation: I am above logic and reason. I hate it when my doctor distorts my 250 cholesterol reading to imply my diet is dangerous, or when utilities company distorts my late payments and threatens to shut off my water, and especially when television viewers distort my performance to imply I am a no talent hack.

Factor Flash Dribble: The Factor is outraged at the chaos that apparently reigns within America's intelligence agencies, the very agencies charged with protecting the lives of all Americans. James Bamford, author of "A Pretext For War," said the concern is warranted, because al Qaeda is growing, while the CIA is shrinking. The Factor finds it ridiculous that politicians like Senators Biden and Kennedy are talking about "coercive interrogation," when in fact our security forces need to be relentless, now more than ever.
Translation: The Bush Administration is a miserable failure of leadership. The war in Iraq has only caused Al Queda to grow stronger, creating newer and newer threats to national security each day. We’ve broken international law using un-American techniques of torture and humiliation while hiding prisoners from the Red Cross. The situation has become so pathetic, I am forced to blame it on the two most infamous and uncharacteristic liberals I can think of.

Factor Flash Dribble: Bill Clinton is promoting his upcoming book, in which he supposedly bares all regarding Monica Lewinski. The former President admitted to "60 Minutes" that his dalliance with the intern was "morally indefensible." Fox News political analyst, and former Democratic consultant, Mary Anne Marsh told The Factor that Clinton is displaying honesty and genuine contrition. The Factor countered that, considering how frequently Clinton displayed similar behavior in the past, this "apology" rings hollow.
Translation: I’ve never had sex, but I think it must be much worse than cheating your way into the Oval Office, lying to get us into an unnecessary war and flinging poo.