New Proof: God is Giant Rodent

MOUNT MERAPI, Indonesia - (AP) Mount Merapi shot a large cloud of searing hot ash and gas into the sky Wednesday, ending the two-thousand year old question "is God a giant gerbil sitting in a lawn chair?" Photos of the ash cloud definitively prove the results.

Scientists and theologians around the world are now in discussion on what God would actually want by way of sacrifice. Religious leaders say He wants chopped lettuce and bits of carrots, while the scientific community insists that He would prefer cereal-based feed pellets.

Kyle Hamilton, a sophomore at Cornel University in Ithaca, said, "Dude, give Him Cheetos."