Blaine to Transform Himself into Giant Bath Wrinkle

The once-magician-now-crazy-stunt-lunatic David Blaine has announced a deal with ABC television. The conditions of the agreement: Blaine lives underwater for a full week, ABC milks two primetime shows out of it, and we the watchers of TV get yet another lame excuse for entertainment. (Plus all the teasers, trailers, and promos we could possibly endure.)

Want to make it exciting? Want to make it death-defying? Want to make it something the American public would actually like to watch? Have Blaine spend the week with a couple hammerhead sharks. Or spice it up with sharks and Australian saltwater crocodiles. Mmmm, Blaine tar-tar.

Oh, and to add to the shameless self-promotion, the U.S. Navy is in the mix, with Blaine boasting that he trained with real Navy seals to prepare for the idiocy. Think the Navy might run some ads during the finale?