Thursday, November 20, 2008

Who Wants Dick in Jail?

With a grand jury indictment in Southern Texas for "profiteering from depriving human beings of their liberty," Dick Cheney has a chance, if a judge doesn't dismiss the charges, of going to jail for his partial ownership of a private prison company. We ask, who benefits from this?
  • His cell mate. Despite being from the ranch country of Wyoming, years of government service and living the cushy CEO life has turned the once tough Cheney into a deliciously soft and physically weak plaything. Without his secret service detail or hardened BlackWater operatives to protect him, Cheney is like a big, warm, soft marshmallow for the taking. Just don't startle him when you slide over to his bunk, because he's got a weak ticker.
  • Disgruntled employees at The Vanguard Group. "Now we can give him a taste of his own medicine," one Vanguard prison guard, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said. "Let's see how he likes not getting fish sticks on Friday because of 'budget cuts' or having to work on Christmas Day."
  • The world. Knowing that Dick Cheney is quietly writing his memoirs behind bars instead of plotting evil in an undisclosed command center will allow the whole world to breathe a sigh of relief.
When asked about his indictment, he was heard to curse then say, "Who's a guy gotta shoot in the face to get outta this mess?"


Blogger Phelps said...

Oh, yeah. There was somebody else mentioned in that indictment, but I totally FORGET who it was. Al? Alfred something? I can't remember.

7:32 AM  

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