Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Trafficking in Politics

What's the difference between Democrats and Republicans? The answer can be seen in the way we drive and manage our roads.

Merging into traffic

Democrats are aware of the needs of others and make room for traffic that is trying to merge from the on ramp.
Republicans ignore merging traffic or speed up, forcing mergers to slam on their brakes to get in behind the Republicans.

Posted limits

Democrats believe in reasonable-but-regulated speed limits to ensure safe travels and fuel conservation.
Republicans don't like the government reigning them in and keeping them from going as fast as they want, regardless of risk or wastefulness.

Speed bumps near playgrounds

Democrats accept the inevitability that careless children run into the streets--chasing balls, playing tag, riding bikes--so traffic should be mandatorily slowed to protect them.
Republicans believe that once a few children have been run over, concerned parents will monitor the way their own kids play and self-regulate. As for the kids whose parents both work and can't be home to protect them: fuck 'em.


Democrats encourage alternative modes of transportation and support the installation of bike lanes and hike & bike trails along thoroughfares.
Republicans counter alternative transportation with bumper stickers that say, "Want a bike lane? Move to Europe!" and "Not in my back yard."

Buses and trains

Democrats believe that those who can't afford a car of their own should have access to a publicly funded rapid transit system.
Republicans believe that if you can't afford a car you should walk.


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