Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tyler Perry's Blog on Tyler Perry

Tyler Perry, the woefully unoriginal writer director and uninspired cross-dressing actor has released another melodramatic southern soap opera. He went into the kitchen with Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates and came out with a flavorless pecan pie, called "Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys."

How insecure in your own creative talent do you have to be to preface every title with your moniker? Is it some form of protective legal charm against Hollywood producers who might steal your impotent plots or does he just like putting his name on things? His house must be full of monogrammed stuff and Post-it notes declaring Tyler Perry's hand towels, Tyler Perry's cheese grater and Tyler Perry's Compound W wart remover. I heard he has a vanity tattoo just below his belly button that indicates the location of his irritable bowel.

Maybe Mr. Perry is in some twisted competition with John Carpenter to see how many movies he can release with his name out front.

Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys
Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?
Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls
Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion
Tyler Perry's House of Payne
Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman
John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars
John Carpenter's Vampires
John Carpenter's Escape from L.A
John Carpenter's Village of the Damned
John Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness
John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China
John Carpenter's Starman
John Carpenter's Christine
John Carpenter's The Thing
John Carpenter's Escape from New York
John Carpenter's The Fog

Did Kubrick put his name in front of Spartacus? Did Altman ad his name to M*A*S*H? Did Murphy add his to Meet The Klumps? No. They stood on their own merit. Maybe they get to do that when they write and direct a film, in which case, look forward to seeing "Turner & Phelps's Bigfoot Saves Hannukah" coming soon to theater near you.

Also coming soon in 2009: Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail (for real). Now he's chasing the Ernest P. Worrell dream. Over the next few years we'll see Madea going to camp, getting scared stupid, saving Christmas and becoming a reluctant astronaut.

Milk that cash cow, Tyler. Milk it!


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