Britney's New Song Scares Children

With nightmarish arrangements summoned from some hell-born music box and a voice like the rotting corpse of Martha Rae, Britney Spears' new single "Desert Me (Baby Boy)" scares her target market (pre-pubescent girls and early-pubescent boys) too much for them to buy it.

"It's like she recorded it sitting in a closet with a bottle of vodka," commented one Britney fan.

When asked, "what does this song make you think of?" a quick survey returned these responses:

45% Stuffed animals with knives
30% Evil clowns
15% Undead Barbie dolls "coming to get me"
10% Nicole Richie