Condie, Still Coming Down from Mideast Talks

After an extensive diplomatic mission in the Middle East, Condie Rice returned to DC "too wasted on the hash" for proper photo ops in the Rose garden, a white house insider told T/P, as can be seen by the dark sunglasses she wore Sunday to hide her bloodshot eyes. Speaking on condition of anonymity, an Afghani agricultural import/export minister and liason to the Egyptian consulate in Cairo said, "the secretary of state has a sweet tooth for the hooka pipe." With a smile he added, "once she's sucking that fine Kabul Krunk, you can get her to do anything, say anything, and sign anything."

While away, she authorized deals giving Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Isreal, Pakistan, The United Arab Emirates, and other "borderline" terrorist-supporting nations hundreds of billions of dollars in weapons, missiles and advanced technology, without the U.S. getting anything (like security) in return.

The realization that Condie has signed away nearly a third of the department of defense's 2008 weapons budget elicited this response from President Bush: "Can I get some of that Kabul Krunk?"