Japanese Nuclear Plant Leaks Radioactive Water

Chinese Food Manufacturer Bottles it and Sells to U.S.

The world's largest nuclear plant in, Kashiwazaki, Japan, leaked radioactive water into a local river after a large earthquake this morning. A fire at the plant also broke out.

China's Department of Happy Go Time Easily Comprimised International Manufacturers of Lucky Greed and Fortune was first to respond, sending a team of hazardous waste technicians to Kashiwazaki, where they collected samples from the water and riverbank. After sampling nearly three tons of radioactive material, they promptly canned the sludge, labelled it "Hot" and began selling it to big box American discount stores as a new energy drink.